The Sign

Let me preface this post by saying it is a long post, but it is good. I hope you enjoy! :D oh and be sure to not scroll to far ahead.

So I started out the day with a bang. I set my alarm for 5:49AM, so that I would have sufficient time for snuggles this morning before I had to leave. I was for some reason a little bit groggy, and turned my alarm off and thought to myself, "I will just wake up at 6AM when Aslinn goes to feed Ella." Unfortunately, Aslinn can't read my mind yet, especially when she's asleep (note to self: we will need to work on that skill) she had reset her alarm for 6:30AM instead. So this left no time for snuggles, and barely enough time to get dressed, have breakfast, kiss my girls, and get to my destination.

Did I mention that I was going to Bedford? Uuugggghhhhh. I hate that part of town, no offense to anyone who lives there. I don't hate you, but what is wrong with you?? Why would anyone live in such a hellish area? It's the part of town that can't decide on if it wants to be Dallas or Ft. Worth. Make up your mind already!

So I am driving down I-20 and I'm making good time. Not speeding, but not getting stuck behind a truck going 45 or something stupid like that. I notice at the I20-3o split that the jumbo-tron says "I-30 E. All lanes closed due to wreck." So I make a quick decision and using my ninja reflexes, perform an uber lane change to get from I-30 to I-20. I go around 820 and get to 121.

For those of you not familiar with this stretch of road, I have never once in my long life, regardless of the time of day or night; regardless of the day of the week; never once not been stuck in bumper to bumper traffic which is barely moving.

Today was no exception. In fact it was very reminiscent of the opening scene from Office Space if anyone is wondering.
So I decided to get off and use the access road because it was actually moving. Yeah for having a truck!
So I made it to the testing center for my 8AM test at 7:58AM. Whew! What a great way to start the day out. Luckily the "test" I was taking was the last CE credit I will need for my licenses for the next 3 years. Which oddly enough, this particular credit is the only one which you are not able to take online.

While I was stuck in traffic I had lots of time to wonder "Why is this course required to be taken at this testing center?" I first thought - money. Well, not in this case. It was free. So then I thought - they don't trust us. Well, they let you take all of the other courses online. Even the ethics course. Come on! That left me with only one option - torture. Yep, the CE curriculum was designed by a bunch of sadists. Thanks. Mission accomplished!

So I arrive and decide to use the lavoratory (yes, I have been waiting a while to use that one). It pretty much made the whole trip worth while. Keep in mind that this is a very professional setting where people are taking tests to get licenses for anything ie real estate, banking, securities, insurance, etc... As I turn to leave the facilities, I see a sign posted on the door. Now keep in mind that if there is a law or a sign which seems really stupid or just plain silly, there is a reason. Someone has done that thing. In fact, it is probably not just 1 person, no probably not even 2 people. It most likely happened several times. So here it is:
















Because obviously, as a professional, you really want to go tell someone "Hey dude, you probably don't want to go in there, but there is some pure concentrated evil which will soon overtake the whole world unless you smite down the evil with your +5 Broadsword of dung smiting and save the land from this wretched, festering evil and restore peace to the land."

But wait. There's more. If you call within the next 5 minutes you'll also receive the rest of the sign. That's right. More sign.





















Ah, so many choices. I mean, where to start? This is like hitting off of a tee.
So my first thought when I saw the whole sign was "Shouldn't those statements be reversed." After all, one would think that normally a person would maybe use a paper towel if there wasn't any TP, which would not be able to make it down and therefore contribute to some cloggage. Note that these statements are in fact not in the reverse position. This leads me to conclude that in fact there have been several people (remember the rule for posting signs and making laws) which have seen the toilet overflowing, and in a moment of brilliance and good 'ole fashioned ingenuity thought "Hmmm. Crap (tee hee). Maybe if I stuff a whole bunch of paper towels in here, they will absorb all of this water and no one will know what happened in here!"
I would like to point out the 4 errors in this assumed logic -
1. First of all, there is still more water coming into the bowl from the tank
2. Secondly, unless you have some bio-hazard bags and tongs are you planning on reaching in there with your hands to scoop out the materials in question?
3. Third, these are paper towels, which are made of - paper. Not a super absorbent material like a terry-cloth towel. They are barely able to dry off a few drops of water from your hands without falling apart.
4. Finally, you're making the problem worse because, since the paper towels won't absorb the water there will be more of a clog.

...but thanks for playing the game!

So I had this running through my head while I was taking my test, which made it a little bit harder to concentrate since I was putting all of my efforts into not laughing in the no noise zone. I mean this place was like a library full of monks on Lunesta (special shout out to Aslinn for knowing that one). So clearly any outburst from me would get me scowls like if I had said to the Democratic Convention that Obama was destroying our country and turning us into a socialistic regime.

No outbursts occurred during the taking of the test. 2.5 hours later, Brian passed the test and resumed his life as best he could, knowing that he would have to wait 3 more years for another chance to see the sign...
Fade to black. Cut. Print, check the gate. Moving on.