Last Sunday was Eloise's first time to church as I was in much need of some spiritual nourishment and socialization. Although it went pretty well, there were several drawbacks and I am sorry to admit that I put my own needs ahead of my baby, but what's a mom to do? I should have prepared myself better for all the random people wanting to touch her. Only a select few of our close friends held her that day, but Brian and I were not as diligent in insisting that people use hand sanitizer before touching her as we had been when visitors came to the house. Now Eloise and I are paying the consequences and it makes me so sad to see her suffer. I have been sucking nasty yellow boogers out of her nose left and right all day long, and it never seems to let up although the saline drops do help. Luckily there is no fever and she is sleeping pretty well, minus the constant gurgling sound as air attempts to sneak through her snot-filled nasal passages. She can't suck on her pacifier for comfort since she must open her mouth to breathe. I feel as though I have failed my little one in protecting her and watching her suffer is heartbreaking despite the fact it is a common cold. I hope it will clear up soon.
On a related side note, some people just really irritate me. While at church, I was walking through the hall trying to find Brian and I was holding Ella in my arms (as I had just finished feeding her) and this woman (whom I have never met) came straight up to me and tried to pull El out of my arms. Trying not to be rude (as she so plainly was) I said "I don't believe I know you". She went on to say that she was very close with another well-known person in the ward, as if that would make me trust her. Regardless of her desire to hold my child, I kept moving and found Brian soon enough. At the end of the third hour I tucked Eloise into her car-seat as Brian helped put away chairs. Several other friends came to take a peak at her, but there were many whom I had never seen before. Now I know this is church and we are all supposed to be friends, but it is really irritating to me when there are people whom I have never spoken to at church who come up to me now that I have a cute, adorable baby and expect friendship and trust. I guess it's human nature to be drawn to cute babies, but I find it rude for others to assume they can hold my baby when they don't even know my name (and even if they do that does not grant them admittance). Just because we are members of the same church does not mean I trust you. The woman that I mentioned above, came up to me holding someone else's baby and told me "I take everyone's baby and don't worry I always give them back". I responded with as polite a smile I could muster and kept my mouth shut, as many thoughts came to mind that were not so Christ-like. Just because everyone else lets her hold their babies does not mean that I want her holding mine. My trust is not so easily given. By the time Brian was finished, I had just about had it with the random people who hung around me having nothing more original or interesting to say about my baby and no interest in getting to know me. Although it can be nice to have admirers of my precious one, my inside's were just screaming "Back Off and leave me alone!".
I would love some in-site from many of you whom I know have been through this before or have had to deal with similar situations. Forgive me if I sound too harsh.
You are not being too harsh! I felt exactly the same way when Jack was little. I think you just have to be rude to people, honestly. The worst part is, that sometimes they don't give you the chance to say no to them; they just try to grab your baby! I had a few people do this to me, and it made me really angry.
ReplyDeleteI've seen some people hang signs on the baby's car seat saying "please don't touch baby's hands." You can also do socks on her hands to protect her.
Hope Eloise feels better soon. And don't blame yourself for her getting sick, it's not your fault. It just happens. I can tell from reading your post that you're a good mother, and are doing a good job!
Oh Aslinn! I felt like I was reading my own words! The attention does lessen slightly- though Eloise is so beautiful it might not. you just have to learn to not look at people and ignore when you know somebody is calling after you.
ReplyDeleteIn our last ward we had a "baby stealer" and I was literally hiding from her (and she had her own baby to boot!). Good excuses: It's naptime and I'm trying to calm her down. I think she's hungry and then proceed to mother's room for socialization. She is working on a poop and I would *hate* for her to poop on you. Or you can be honest and say, "she's my first baby and I'm really not comfortable sharing her yet". "she's really young still and last time people held her she got sick even though the people didn't think they were sick"
Oh, one last note...be wary at the grocery store. Nobody is shy there either.
Lots of Hugs! I hope you figure it out (and get some better advice than I have)
I have just one thing to say: YOU ARE THE MOM!!! and you know when, where and to who you want your child to be touched by. It's not being rude. I felt the same way when I had E and trying to be nice and polite is very hard when others don't have a clue of boundaries. Don't worry, the most that can happen is that people will get upset or offended and THEY WILL GET OVER IT!!! The ones that know you will understand and won't be offended. We took E to Aaron's xmas company party when he was 4 months old and there was this lady that I did not know and somehow she managed to take E out of my arms to take him around to show off, I was like "what in the world just happen did this lady just take my child w/out asking???" I was frustrated the entire night, just because people are "nice" doesn't give them the right to hold your baby if you don't know them. So again don't worry about it and just do what you think is right for your baby.
ReplyDeleteI think some of your response is that harried mom feeling. Church for 3 hours can really bring that out, especially church with baby for the first time. For me it hasn't changed no matter how many or what ages my kids are. Sometimes being around other people with your kids isn't easy and even older kids get sick when someone else deposits their germs for them to pick up. My babies all got sick because of allergies at this age and the pollen count is really high, so it could be that.
ReplyDeleteThe whole baby stealing thing needs to stop. I think it's nice to be nice, but if you don't feel like being nice because you've had enough, don't feel bad. I guess I put off a "touch me not" aura because I've never had that problem much. Maybe my babies weren't as cute as yours!